progress 12/30

big jump in improvement from yesterday. to sit, to get up, just about/almost normal. very very very happy about that. upon waking up, back was straight, no weird odd angle walk in the morning. oh man, if i start the new year 100% (though it's just another day) that would be so exceedingly awesome. very happy and suprised at the big jump in improvement.

12/29

still there, but receding, thankfully. Slowly but surely it seems. It's an odd feeling sometimes, expecting a pain, and then it's not there. Or worse, not expecting a pain, and then suddenly "greeting" it. Mind is all ready to deal with it, then realizes, hey, nothing's there! and oddly, sort of miss the pain. Miss the pain? While all the while wishing it would leave. Strange, the mind always wanting.

progress 12/16

sitting is much less painful. the to sit, and the to get up. still, after extended periods, tingling in the left front thigh. though, really really grateful that i can sit in a way such that i feel completely relaxed and feel no pain/discomfort vs. no pain/discomfort, but definite muscles activating to prevent pain. This also led to sitting at the desk and leaning heavy on the elbows to keep weight off. so, feeling better, not 100% yet, but hopefully soon. right knee feeling much stronger, though still that sense of 'something's not quite right'. little by little trying to squat a bit and strengthen/exercise it. just happy that there is some sort of relief now. being painless is quite a joy in itself.

progress 11/24

begun to run again, though short distances (run/walk). have continued daily walking. kicking with right leg, no pain, though mental anxiety fear (of pain), pain upon sitting and rising is much less, and disapates faster. tingle in the front of left leg, more noticeable/replacing the left hip knot/pain. thankfully, even this though is just noticeable, but not in pain realm. morning movement is stiff and tight, though movement is comfortable, i don't feel like i'm going to break. back is tight especially when putting on right sock. putting on pants, ok, but fear remains, anxiety of pain in hip/leg. interestingly, right knee was having issues 3 weeks ago. felt like fluid was rushing in and out of the joint as i bent the knee. I could feel it with my hand upon squatting and rising. however, noticed no more popping knee when running! though it still feels a bit on the weaker side. before, i fear i had torn something. no noticeable reason for the knee to go out, out of the blue, on a thursday. it hurt to straighten it and felt swollen. i kept off of it, and have been walking as rehab. it pops when i walk down stairs. but, very happy that no popping when running now. very excited, body is coming back. have to make sure i don't push too hard, but keep moving. eager to move. very thankful for ability to move. very thankful for movement without pain.

progress check 10/1

OK, can kick the right leg now! However, still stiff in the morning and after lying down. Once warmed up though, feeling better. The "sit pain" disapates faster now as well, though still there.

Unlearn Your Pain by Dr. Howard Shubiner

"In three separate studies by MC Jensen, DG Borenstein and N Boos, there was very little correlation between back pain and MRI results." "Whe you take middle aged people without any back pain and give them MRIs, 64% have bulging discs, DEGENERATIVE DISCS, arthritic changes, spinal stenosis and other COMMON changes. Over time, in some people the MRI results get worse, but the pain decreases; while in others the pain gets worse, though the MRI gets better. (moreover)Many people with normal MRI findings have sever back pain." very very interesting. thanks Dr. Shubiner

Progress

actually able to do circles with knees now, with little to no pain. morning still not so pleasant, but faster recovery into "normal" movement. definitely on the mend. the worst is done.

update

seeing progress! less biting pain, less time to "unlock" muscles in order to move. very, very thankful

Good Article on TMS

well, it's still going, and pain is moving around. sharp bite on left upper butt cheek. sitting down, takes a minute to dissapate, getting up, takes a minute to dissapate, once walking, i feel fine, like nothing's wrong. but stand to squat...takes a minute or two for lower back/hip to let go, and upon standing up again, front side, near hip goes nuts for a while.

I encountered this article on TMS, I thought was really helpful. I'm wholly on board and frustrated as to its getting worse than better. Two things I gleaned from the article. 1. You have to quit monitering the pain. by constantly describing it, you give it attention and energy. Which is what the pain is wanting, instead, treat it like a child who's fallen but isn't hurt, acknowledge it, but continue on. What the pain wants is for you to ditch everything to cater to it. 2. When the pain hits, substitute the "oh shit" thought with something more pleasant. Rewire the pain's message. And so when the pain no longer freaks you out, the pain will cease to exist. The pain is a bully, don't fear it or let it intimidate you.

The Article...

This Goes for "Running Pain" as well

Here's a good site for additional info on TMS, and comes from a guy with a running background.
www.RunningPain.com

Mind, Thought, Belief, Pain

A continuation of my pain relief therapy... I know it's a big leap to jump from, "see that bulge on the mri? that's what's causing your pain" to "the pain you feel is being caused by your mind" (it is a physical expression of a psychological mechanism, that roots itself in distracting you from things that cause great anger, fear, anxiety.)

 Here's why I believe it. You know that stress affects the body. You get freaked out, what happens? The body responds, higher blood pressure, muscle tension. So when would I get freaked out? If I saw a horror movie, that would be very unsettling to me and definitely freak me out. So, these mental responses, definitely have a physical manifestation. So, if this is the case with a horror movie, imagine how much more the body is clever in affecting your body with other things, such as need to be good, need for perfection and accomplishment, the need to push hard and accomplish, and imagine if some of these things are failing. That despite your hard work, things aren't happening as you would want, that the very things you thought would get you where you want to go seem to be dragging you back, imagine this. Do you realize how much stress and pain that would cause? and how much you would not like to realize this? So, imagine the "cleverness" of the mind, in that it doesn't want to stress you about that so instead creates a very real pain that takes your mind OFF the things that are freaking you out (whether you admit it or not) in your life. If watching a scary movie can freak me out/create physical changes in my body, I can't imagine how much more that these really (what I consider) "important" issues not "happening" is going to mess with me.

 The good news? Understand this is psychological in nature and that there is no physical abnormality that is causing it. Write it out, recognize it, release it in writing so that the body will not use pain to divert your attention away from it. If you realize what's causing the pain, the body no longer has reason to try to hide you from it (at least, that's my understanding from reading Dr. Sarno's books.)
 Dr. Sarno's Books:
  Mind Over Back Pain
Healing Back Pain
The Mindbody Prescription
The Divided Mind (i have not read/bought this one...yet)

 Open your mind,
 be open to new thinking,
what do you have to lose?

if the answer was in what you "knew"
wouldn't you have solved the pain by now?

 would you rather
keep the pain
     and be "right" in your thinking,
or would your rather
lose the pain,
       and accept that what you thought was "wrong"

 you will not spend your way out of the pain,
but you can educate yourself out of the pain.

remember, there comes a point
after researching and reading,
you have to work to the solution.
read enough to get started,
then get started.
don't just ingest more and more information.
...
 Thanks Dr. Sarno!

Hip Pain and "Normal" abnormalities (but my mri says...)

Well, the back pain is gone, but guess what's popped up. Hip Pain.

I highly suspect tms (tension myositis syndrome). Undergoing some stressful situations and makes sense it would decide to make itself known or rather hidden (read the book to see what I mean). Dr. Sarno recounts in The Mindbody Prescription, that the pain will often travel, and it looks like it's doing this in my case. What I love about this is first and foremost, it works. Secondly, it requires no surgery, medicine, physical therapy or financial drain. It requires that you open your mind, and really think about and acknowledge the cause of it. It's not even that it requires that you solve whatever psychological stress you have, only that you realize the pain is cause by the pyschological repression of things that create anger, fear and stress. Essentially, in understanding "the mechanic of thought" and that it is producing the pain, vs. outwardly physical symptoms causing the physical pain. It is like a leaking hose, you can try and patch the hose to stop the water from leaking, even as more holes are forming, OR, you can simply turn the water off at the source and stop all the leaking. With Dr. Sarno's therapy, you educate yourself into how the mind is working. You learn that the pain is caused, in very particular personality types (type A) and that the mind is creating the pain to divert your attention from anger, rage, fear, anxiety, or/and the things that cause anger, rage, fear and anxiety. Dr. Sarno's therapy is education, understanding how the mind is working, and affecting the body. Inevitably, if you want to search for complex issues and reasons for physical abnormalities, you will undoubtedly find them. Interestingly enough, there was a study done with radiologists, who were given x rays and asked to pair them with who was experiencing pain. It turns out people can have x rays and mri's that would indicate a potential area of pain, yet the person would not have pain. Likewise, people whose xray's and mri's didn't show any abnormality would actually have pain. Dr. Sarno tells us that the physical abnormalities are merely symptoms of the pain, NOT the cause of the pain. In fact, with aging, there are "normal abnormalities" that occur that do not necessarily mean the individual will feel pain. In our high tech world, and in the scientific world we have been conditioned to link the physical abnormality to pain, this, despite the fact that studies have shown the opposite can be true, as is mentioned in this interview:
 By addressing the symptoms only,
 you only, at best, receive only temporary relief from the pain.
By addressing the cause of the pain (the mind),
you can receive permanent relief.

Back Pain Solution...Dr. Sarno