just to be clear

there is no pain. COMPLETELY gone. completely awesome.

Post 'healed' note #1

Mind connection.Thursday? Freaked out about the future. Hip pain returned, friday, saturday. Night time seemingly incessant dull pain in left hip. Sunday, morning also not fun, yet...better mood...and right now, feels like nothing, nothing is wrong or impeding. That pain is/can be frightening which makes it all the more curious when it just disappears. Don't even know what to expect, but notice that positions i'm in, either sitting or moving are no longer bothersome/painful. This is a long, strange, difficult lesson, but at least, I think I'm progressing. Discipline the mind, it directly affects actions and the body.

4/17...update/closure/the end

I no longer feel pain, not in the left hip, not in the right buttock. It's gone. If I really try to look, there are remnants, but they don't register anymore as dread or pain. What did I do? I let it heal. I kept moving, and something within the last 2 weeks, I began the IF diet, intermittent fasting. Eating 5 days normally and fasting for 2. I think it's made a bit of difference, I'd like to think it did, at least. But the best thing, is that even in the mornings, the pain is relatively minor and nonexistent, I feel "normal". Now, I'm trying to get back strength and endurance. I'm hoping to start Crossfit, once I can handle it financially, in the mean time, it's working on body weight exercises and running. I've come to trust even more that the body knows what to do, and that giving it time to do what it needs, and feeding yourself well, and taking note of what's going on in your mind and life are all interconnected. It's all important. Also? Time is limited, so whatever it is you want to be doing, get on it as quickly as you can. Do what you can, with what you have and start right now. The back pain sucked, the reoccurance of the hip pain and then the right sciatica/butte pain...sucked, but listening to it, really looking at my life and habits has shown me things I need to improve upon. Best of all, I realize that difficult times, experiences, do in fact, come to an end. You just have to hang on. There were so many times, I thought it would be permanent, so many times. And right now? it's almost like I'm waking up, it's like it wasn't even real, that I had trouble with even sitting? what a bad dream. but it wasn't, and now I can, and it's time to move on. I hope I don't have to do any more entries, I hope that if you're reading this, this somehow helps. Just to know that your body can and will heal, but you have to "let" it. I hope you heal soon if you are in pain, I wish you great health. That is it, the pain is gone. The end.

4/10 update

all pain has subsided to sensation, but not pain, annoyance, but not debilitating. though, it still takes some time in the morning to become "normal" the worst feels it is indeed over. and again, in that, another thing creeped in. my right hand, from saturday, a slight "weird sensation" to yesterday, I couldn't hold anything with my wrist turning back. Fear entered, arthritis? muscular? again? wtf?!, and today it is better. I'm working towards complete pain free, and slowly but surely, i'll get there. hopefully, death won't be it...haha...sigh.

Interesting bit of info

OK, doubtful that it could be the mind at the source of the pain? Ever heard of phantom limb syndrome? It's the instance where people who have had a limb amputated yet continue to experience sensation and pain where the limb used to be. There is no limb there, how can it be causing pain? Doesn't this suggest that the mind has something, if not everything to do with this? Oh tms, i'm on to you. The pain, it sucks, it's very very real, very very painful. BUT, I don't buy that it's because of a pinched nerve or the other herniated disc, etc. Everyone says that because they've been conditioned to, and besides, remember, it IS their profession, they benefit. I'm not suggesting that they intentionally rip people off, of course, they really believe that their diagnosis is true, of course, that is their training. However, then how does that explain the people who have NO pain, yet their MRI's show the symptoms of back pain, ie bulging discs, etc. Come on tms, the ruse has been uncovered, time to leave. By the way, yes, I still am experiencing "something". However, not in the left hip, now the right buttock. I'm tired of it, i'm tired of the consistent pain, inconsistent areas, enough is enough. I had heard about phantom limb syndrome, but am now reading about the studies of a Dr. Ramachandran, who did studies on this. His experiments revealed the brain is much more plastic than otherwise believed and that the senses are interconnected. He found that it's not just specific areas of the brain that feel, but overlapping areas...and the brain can rewire itself on what it's feeling. "Pain, it seemed, was a kind of OPINION the body rendered on what it was experiencing, on its own health. This opinion could be tricked or manipulated,..." - Robert Greene, Mastery. It can be "tricked or manipulated" into NOT feeling pain anymore. There's a way out.

Progress 2/9...Happy Chinese New Year!

OK, so left hip has dissapated, into sensation, and some numbness/throbbing after getting up from sitting for a long time. However, the right butte, high right and to the left a bit, that's giving me some issues. Feel the need to stretch it...a lot. trying to review/remind self of tms. frustrated at the jumping, changing pain, but am grateful that it's not debilitating, like before. driving, is ok, getting out of the car is fine. Feel good though that at this time it is getting better. little by little, at least the trajectory is towards healed up. so, let's keep going, almost there.

Progress 1/23/13

Good news first. To sit, to get up? NO pain! The left hip seems fine, the fear of sitting down and getting up, gone, the dread of getting in and out of the car, the prep to "ease" in/out...gone. However, right butte cheek, upper...ugh. It moved. Annoyance to almost pain level. Out of 10, i'd say 3. Annoying, but not quite limiting, though there is still a fear of "injury". I should just start running. I've been walking and sometimes stop and squat to stretch the lower back out, big tension on the right side. I think there is no doubt that this is tms. OK, by end of the month (or asap) I will heal.

Progress 1/8/13

right knee, noticeable NOT popping when i sit and rotate the right leg on my heel. usually it's like popcorn...pop, pop, pop...well, just one anyway. but, something on right side buttock, feels like sciatica. To offset that, other good development, getting out and in of cars is much much easier, almost forgetting any odd movement or pain. The absence of pain is such a joy. Come on body, come on!

Progress 1/6/13/...the pain is moving around/jumping spot to spot

strange. 2 days ago doing pull ups, it felt like i pinched a nerve. looking over my shoulder to the right was quite painful. yesterday, i don't know what i did, but, something to my back on the right side, painful to bend over...yeah, that's fun. odd thing i notice is that the pain/problem on the left side has disappeared or is very very small now, though, the right side upper buttock, is "upset". sitting, less an ordeal, in fact after the first few minutes of muscles finding their spot, i feel no pain, and the get up is ok. the right, more vocal than the left, again, the left is nearly totally mute. it seems the pain is jumping, from one spot to another. this really makes me think tms. if i had diagnosed the problems separately, there would be very physical distinctions. i feel quite confident and strong today, despite the presence of pain at times. healing 100 % is well within reach, and i think quite soon. being without pain, in any posture, i have such a profound appreciation of this now. the absence of it is such a relief and joy.